On a wing and a prayer

[the_baking_vampire]

This isn't the first charge he's ever had as a guardian angel, so it's not exactly as if he's new at his job. He's never broken the rules before or failed in his task. He's always followed strictly to the rules and protected his charges with the utmost care and diligence.

He never thought things would be so much different with John Grimm.

As a boy, he'd lost his parents, and Seere had been tasked to him without any real explanation of why. Sometimes, that's how it goes; an assignment without a reason. It's never bothered him. All he knew was that he needed to protect the boy, and by extension, that usually meant protecting his twin sister, as well, inseparable as they were.

For years, Seere watched him grow, a sad, shy, and reserved child who turned into a handsome young man.

It was difficult when John entered the military. Seere can't fix mental anguish. How does one protect against that sort of thing without keeping a soul from gaining the necessary experiences to benefit from having lived? So, he watches as John struggles through bootcamp, watches as he struggles with the deaths of his friends, with the guilt that comes with it. He wants to help, but there's nothing he can do. He can't protect everyone. Only John.

Seere is wary when John gets selected for the RRTS. It's such a dangerous squad. Protecting him becomes a full-time task, flitting in and out of John's vision, exploiting those fractional blind spots that all humans have to subtly change the trajectory of bullets or nudge him away from a falling object or protect him from an explosion.

During these years, he's grown closer to John. He knows he shouldn't get attached, but John is such a sweet, loyal person, Seere can't help but care for him. He's gentle and protects those around him, gives everything he's got to try to keep his friends safe. He's grown into a man that Seere is proud to watch over, even if it's become dangerous to do so. Angels aren't allowed to love.

Still, his job goes well up until John is in his 26th year -- and he suddenly disappears.

Seere tracks his last signature to the point where it disappeared. It's a portal to Mars. Seere knows this, but he can't go. He can't leave the sphere of influence that Angels have on Earth. He can't travel to Mars with him, can't protect him. For once in his eternal life, Seere is afraid he will fail. He's not afraid of the punishment for it, he's afraid for John.

So, he heads back to Heaven to wait, and never have two days seemed so long for someone with as much patience as he has.

As soon as John's familiar tug reappears on Earth, Seere seeks him out.

He finds him at the hospital, beside the bed of his sister, and he immediately looks the both of them over for injuries. John is perfectly healthy, as far as Seere can tell, but Sam seems as if she has been wounded. Not fatally so, thankfully.

He breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad to see his charge is safe.

Comments

[beautifulanimal]

John's not at the hospital anymore. Now that Sam's going to be okay, they decided he doesn't need to be there. Nothing wrong with him after all.

He gets sent home, and home is a crappy, cold apartment that he hasn't set foot in for almost two years. There light in the living room is broken, so he digs up a single candle out of his junk drawer and lights that. He doesn't have any food, but that's not much of a concern. He's happy with the two beers that are in the fridge from the last time he had a weekend off. They expired a year ago, but that doesn't seem to be much of a concern.

[the_baking_vampire]

There's another flutter of wings when Seere appears in John's living room.

He's a little appalled when he sees the state of the place. Not that it's entirely surprising, given its lack of use for two years.

So, he forgets about greeting John, mostly because he never has before, and he sets about making things a little more hospitable. No sense in holding back when John can see him, right? So, he fixes that light and turns it on, and then checks around the rest of the place to make sure it's habitable.

[beautifulanimal]

"What are you doing?"

Yes, he startles when Seere just shows up and then starts to tidy the place. It's not exactly a normal occurrence and he's not sure how he should react to it.

"Did you just fix that light?"

[the_baking_vampire]

"I am cleaning," Seere replies, as if that were perfectly normal. As an angel, he dislikes decay. He prefers creation and life, although he accepts all things must end with time.

He glances up at the light when John mentions it. "Yes."

[beautifulanimal]

"Can you fix me?"

[the_baking_vampire]

There's a physical ache that comes with that question and Seere frowns, sad on what feels like a molecular level. He shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I can't make you human again. That's not within my power."

[beautifulanimal]

"Why not?"

He stands up and comes over to him, holding his wrist out like it's all in his hand.

"You healed her. Heal me."

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere takes John's wrist, and then enfolds John's hand in his own. Even if it won't do anything, he sends some of his power into John anyway, knowing he'll be able to feel that warm tingle. "I can't. I make things pristine again. You are pristine. You're not broken. I can't fix you."

[beautifulanimal]

"I am. I'm in pieces all over the floor. Can't you see that?"

[the_baking_vampire]

"That's a different sort of broken, John. For all that I am, and for all that I wish I could, that is not something I can simply fix."

All he can do is open his arms and silently invite John for a hug. That's the only medicine he can offer.

[beautifulanimal]

"Then what use are you?"

He drops back down on the couch and resists the urge to punch something. He knows he'll punch through a wall if he gives in, or through Seere's head. Can you kill angels? Right now, he kinda wants to.

[the_baking_vampire]

"I'm sorry." He lowers his arms, and somehow, even his wings seem to droop. He doesn't want John to be angry with him, but it's not as if he's lying. He really can't do anything to fix his soul. Nobody can. Not even God. Souls are immutable and Seere has no idea how John managed to change his. It should have been impossible.

So, he leaves John for now in favor of finding food for him.

[beautifulanimal]

John isn't surprised that the angel leaves. He doesn't mind. He'll handle this on his own. After some sleep. Except he can't sleep. The world's volume is suddenly 50 times louder and he can hear EVERYTHING. The guy snoring three floors down sounds like he's in John's room. The couple fucking next door might as well be on top of him. The tv above him sounds like it has been cranked up to max and is playing on some super charged sound system. And that's just the immediate noises. Then there's the talking everywhere, the cars, the breathing. The sounds his own body makes. Everything is burrowing into his head until he tries to escape it buy wrapping the blanket around himself in the hopes that it'll muffle the worst of it.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere isn't gone long. He returns with a couple bags of groceries. He knows John doesn't want fancy things, so Seere picked him up a lot of the basics. Bread, eggs, cheese, meat, apples, that sort of thing.

Once he puts it all in the fridge, he goes to check on his charge. He can feel the agitation radiating off of him, so he comes to stand next to the bed. "What's wrong?"

[beautifulanimal]

John just stares at him.

"Really? You went for a fucking grocery run?"

[the_baking_vampire]

"You needed food." It's not something Seere could have ever done before, save for that time John's group conveniently found one more box of MREs when they thought they had nothing.

[beautifulanimal]

"That's the last thing I need."

Yes, he is going to pull the covers back over his head and sulk. He kinda earned the right to do that for a couple of days.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Do you need help sleeping?" Seere asks as he perches on the very edge of John's bed. It doesn't even dip. It's like he weighs nothing.

[beautifulanimal]

No, he's going to stay under there until someone forces him out.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere's not sure what John needs, but as he watches him, he's absolutely certain that John's not falling asleep. He doesn't know what the problem is, if it's just worry, or if he's in some kind of pain, or if there's something else.

He wants to help, but he can't if John won't tell him what's wrong, so he simply waits and hopes that his charge will eventually open up and tell him what he needs.

[beautifulanimal]

John needs comfort and all his friends back. He needs quiet 3 am conversations with Sarge because neither of them sleep very well and the guy always knows what to ask to get John talking.

Or maybe he just needs a hug.

[the_baking_vampire]

He's not entirely sure what to do, but he's seen people comfort others through touch at times of grief. He's never really had the opportunity to try it himself because he's never had a charge see him before, but this is different. It bends the rules and Seere has to go based on the best response for the situation, and according to him, the best response is to help however he can.

Very carefully, he gathers John, blankets and all, into his arms and silences the world around them. He rocks slowly from side to side and sings quietly in Latin. Adoro te devote.

[beautifulanimal]

That feels.... really ridiculous. After almost a decade living with Macho and Testosterone, it just feels so fucking stupid to be cradled like this. Someone's singing for him like he's a fucking BABY. The urge is to laugh, or to punch the guy. Whatever. Just get out of this situation...

But underneath that, running deeper than humans are equipped to realize, there's again that familiar sense of comfort. He's safe in these arms, it says. And John closes his eyes and ignores all the voices that are laughing at him.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere will hold John all night, humming softly and keeping all other noises and disturbances at bay. He hopes that a solid sleep will help to alleviate some of John's stress and that, come morning, he'll be in a better state of mind.

[beautifulanimal]

He sleeps so peacefully. No nightmares, no dreams at all. No crying in his sleep or tossing and turning to try to escape imaginary foes. Just hours and hours of actual fucking rest, which is more than he has had in years.

When he wakes up, he's a little confused. He looks up at the guy holding him like he's trying to figure out if he got too drunk last night and ended up in some random bed, but that only lasts seconds before it all comes back to him and he frowns.

"I was hoping you'd turn out to be just a dream. Like the rest of this."