On a wing and a prayer

[the_baking_vampire]

This isn't the first charge he's ever had as a guardian angel, so it's not exactly as if he's new at his job. He's never broken the rules before or failed in his task. He's always followed strictly to the rules and protected his charges with the utmost care and diligence.

He never thought things would be so much different with John Grimm.

As a boy, he'd lost his parents, and Seere had been tasked to him without any real explanation of why. Sometimes, that's how it goes; an assignment without a reason. It's never bothered him. All he knew was that he needed to protect the boy, and by extension, that usually meant protecting his twin sister, as well, inseparable as they were.

For years, Seere watched him grow, a sad, shy, and reserved child who turned into a handsome young man.

It was difficult when John entered the military. Seere can't fix mental anguish. How does one protect against that sort of thing without keeping a soul from gaining the necessary experiences to benefit from having lived? So, he watches as John struggles through bootcamp, watches as he struggles with the deaths of his friends, with the guilt that comes with it. He wants to help, but there's nothing he can do. He can't protect everyone. Only John.

Seere is wary when John gets selected for the RRTS. It's such a dangerous squad. Protecting him becomes a full-time task, flitting in and out of John's vision, exploiting those fractional blind spots that all humans have to subtly change the trajectory of bullets or nudge him away from a falling object or protect him from an explosion.

During these years, he's grown closer to John. He knows he shouldn't get attached, but John is such a sweet, loyal person, Seere can't help but care for him. He's gentle and protects those around him, gives everything he's got to try to keep his friends safe. He's grown into a man that Seere is proud to watch over, even if it's become dangerous to do so. Angels aren't allowed to love.

Still, his job goes well up until John is in his 26th year -- and he suddenly disappears.

Seere tracks his last signature to the point where it disappeared. It's a portal to Mars. Seere knows this, but he can't go. He can't leave the sphere of influence that Angels have on Earth. He can't travel to Mars with him, can't protect him. For once in his eternal life, Seere is afraid he will fail. He's not afraid of the punishment for it, he's afraid for John.

So, he heads back to Heaven to wait, and never have two days seemed so long for someone with as much patience as he has.

As soon as John's familiar tug reappears on Earth, Seere seeks him out.

He finds him at the hospital, beside the bed of his sister, and he immediately looks the both of them over for injuries. John is perfectly healthy, as far as Seere can tell, but Sam seems as if she has been wounded. Not fatally so, thankfully.

He breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad to see his charge is safe.

Comments

[beautifulanimal]

After Olduvai, everything is a haze.

He isn't sure what happens after he blows the arc and takes Sam with him up to the surface. There's people and noise and questions, and John's bounced around until things calm down enough that he can become aware of his surroundings again.

He's in the hospital, sitting by Sam's bed. She's sleeping, but he can hear her heart beating steady and slow. There's a moment where he wonders if it's normal that he should be able to hear her heart even with all the noises of people talking in the other rooms and cars out on the street and the endless buzzing of hundreds of machinery, but then he remembers that nothing is normal anymore.

"She gonna be okay?"

He doesn't fully look at the man in the room. He's still staring at Sam and can't really take his eyes off of her, like he's worried she'll die if he does. He assumes the new presence belongs to one of the doctors.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere immediately freezes, wings ruffled like a startled owl, and he looks around the room, sure that there must be someone else in there that he hasn't noticed.

But there's no one. It's just him and John and Sam.

Perhaps it's a rhetorical question, then? But that's not the sort of thing that seems like a rhetorical question. It's one that wants an answer.

Well, there's only one way to find out, so Seere hesitantly turns towards John. "Can you see me?"

[beautifulanimal]

This time, John does look up. "Yeah, of course I-"

When he really sees the man in the room, wings and all, he jumps back, causing his chair to slide backwards away from the bed.

"What the fuck are you?!"

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere is equally startled and he jumps back, too, wings shifting uneasily as he ponders whether he should flee or not. John's not supposed to be able to see him. "That's not possible! Humans can't sense--"

But then again... the resonance from John's soul seemed odd earlier, so Seere checks it again.

That's not right. That can't be right. There's something wrong with his charge and it may very well explain why John can suddenly see him.

"What happened to you? You're not quite human anymore. Was it something on Mars? Please, I need to know."

Seere's not sure he can fix something that fundamental and it worries him. What if it's something that will lead to his death? What if it causes him chronic pain? What if God considers him an abomination and tasks Seere with killing him?

Seere's not sure he could follow that order.

[beautifulanimal]

He's on his way up and out of that chair. After what happened, he trusts nothing that doesn't smell human, but then this guy speaks as if he knows him and John freezes.

"Who are you? What do you know...?"

He hasn't told anyone what Sam did to him on Mars. He destroyed the research data and pretended they never even got that far. Because he knows that if they find out, he'll be their new guinea pig.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere hesitates, but there's no way he can go back. John's obviously seen him, seen his wings. It's not like he can say he's one of the doctors.

The truth is just as unbelievable, though, he's sure. Still, it would be unbecoming for an angel to lie.

"My name is Seere. I'm one of the lower orders of angels. I've been watching over you since your parents died."

[beautifulanimal]

"Bullshit. There's no such thing as angels."

He would've been angry at him for bringing up his parents, and he is, but the story is so far out there.

And yet...

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere unfurls his wings as much as he can in the limited confines of the hospital room. He does have quite an impressive wingspan, after all!

Not that there's any pride there.

"Explain these, then."

[beautifulanimal]

"I've seen weirder."

Like eight-eyed beasts with detachable tongues that he could swear were straight from the bowels of hell...

This isn't that kind of thing, though. He tries to act like it is, but there's something tugging at his insides. If he knew the whole situation, he would say he's somehow hardwired to recognize this for what it really is. Part of him really does want him to drop to his knees and cry. The other half is a little more stubborn.

"That's crap you tell old people so they won't be scared of dying."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're not scared of dying. Not when you're protecting people you care about," Seere says simply, curling his wings back in and stepping closer.

"You could never see me before. You can now. Something happened to you on Mars. I wasn't able to follow you there and I'm sorry I couldn't be there to protect you."

[beautifulanimal]

"Protect me?"

John gives him a look that tries to be more confident than it is.

"Is that you've supposedly been doing for the past eighteen years?"

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere nods. "You would have died many times by now if I hadn't been there. Samantha, too."

[beautifulanimal]

"Maybe you should have me die long ago."

[the_baking_vampire]

"I can't. I'm sorry." Seere looks infinitely sad that John feels that way. He steps forward, closing some of the distance between them, and he wants to reach out and touch him, comfort him.

"Please, what happened on Mars? How did you alter your soul?"

[beautifulanimal]

"I died on Mars."

It's the easiest way to expain. He's dead and now he's some supercharged corpse. A monster born in the hell that is Olduvai.

"I'm a demon."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're not a demon," Seere replies with certainty, and he finally does step close enough that he can set his hand on John's shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting manner. "Things would be very, very different if you were."

[beautifulanimal]

"Why?"

He doesn't shrug that hand off. There is some comfort in that touch. There's a smell to see that's familiar. Something in those blue eyes that he wants to say he has seen before, but he can't.

"How am I not? I'm a fucking monster."

[the_baking_vampire]

John probably won't notice until he takes a look at himself that Seere's taken the opportunity to clean the blood off him. That is monster blood and Seere can't stand the taint of it.

But, now that John is clean, he can move his hand upwards to lightly cup at his cheek. "I know monsters when I see them. You aren't a monster. You've never been one."

[beautifulanimal]

"No. If you've really been there, you know that's not true. I've done some bad things. I'm even worse now."

He won't notice yet, but he does lean against that hand. There's this urge to cling to him and sob.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Yet you've also risked your life to save others. I have seen it time and time again." He gives him a soft smile, thumbing over John's cheek.

"I wouldn't pledge myself to a monster."

[beautifulanimal]

"Why me?"

He doesn't deserve this. He's never been anything special and he fucked up every talent he had. Why does he deserve someone to pledge themselves to him? What does that even mean?

[the_baking_vampire]

"I do not know why you've been chosen for an angel's protection, only that you are. I do know, however, that would not have happened if you were a monster. I never would have agreed."

He lifts his hand once more to press two fingers against John's forehead. He wants to show him some of the people he's protected before. Important people who, at first, seemed so normal, like everyone else, and against all odds, accomplished great things and helped many people.

Winston Churchill was one of his more... surly charges, he has to admit.

[beautifulanimal]

It only makes him feel smaller and worse when he sees all these amazing people that he's supposed to live up to.

"If you can do that, maybe you want to take a look inside my head to see exactly what I am now?"

[the_baking_vampire]

"With your permission..." Seere uses that connection to probe deeper into John's makeup and his memories, searching for the crucial difference between then and now. And deep in his genes, he finds it. An abnormality. An addition.

He lowers his hand. "I understand now. You're not a monster. You're the good that spawned from evil because your desire to protect was greater than your desire to hurt." The smile he gives him is simple happiness. Seere is so proud of him.

[beautifulanimal]

"That's not true-"

But he explain why either because he breaks apart after that. It's too much. Everything is still so raw. That voice in his head is roaring so loud that he can barely hear anything else, and to have someone come and tell him that is more than he can handle. He pulls away so he can hide his head in arms and hopefully hide the fact that he's crying.