On a wing and a prayer

[the_baking_vampire]

This isn't the first charge he's ever had as a guardian angel, so it's not exactly as if he's new at his job. He's never broken the rules before or failed in his task. He's always followed strictly to the rules and protected his charges with the utmost care and diligence.

He never thought things would be so much different with John Grimm.

As a boy, he'd lost his parents, and Seere had been tasked to him without any real explanation of why. Sometimes, that's how it goes; an assignment without a reason. It's never bothered him. All he knew was that he needed to protect the boy, and by extension, that usually meant protecting his twin sister, as well, inseparable as they were.

For years, Seere watched him grow, a sad, shy, and reserved child who turned into a handsome young man.

It was difficult when John entered the military. Seere can't fix mental anguish. How does one protect against that sort of thing without keeping a soul from gaining the necessary experiences to benefit from having lived? So, he watches as John struggles through bootcamp, watches as he struggles with the deaths of his friends, with the guilt that comes with it. He wants to help, but there's nothing he can do. He can't protect everyone. Only John.

Seere is wary when John gets selected for the RRTS. It's such a dangerous squad. Protecting him becomes a full-time task, flitting in and out of John's vision, exploiting those fractional blind spots that all humans have to subtly change the trajectory of bullets or nudge him away from a falling object or protect him from an explosion.

During these years, he's grown closer to John. He knows he shouldn't get attached, but John is such a sweet, loyal person, Seere can't help but care for him. He's gentle and protects those around him, gives everything he's got to try to keep his friends safe. He's grown into a man that Seere is proud to watch over, even if it's become dangerous to do so. Angels aren't allowed to love.

Still, his job goes well up until John is in his 26th year -- and he suddenly disappears.

Seere tracks his last signature to the point where it disappeared. It's a portal to Mars. Seere knows this, but he can't go. He can't leave the sphere of influence that Angels have on Earth. He can't travel to Mars with him, can't protect him. For once in his eternal life, Seere is afraid he will fail. He's not afraid of the punishment for it, he's afraid for John.

So, he heads back to Heaven to wait, and never have two days seemed so long for someone with as much patience as he has.

As soon as John's familiar tug reappears on Earth, Seere seeks him out.

He finds him at the hospital, beside the bed of his sister, and he immediately looks the both of them over for injuries. John is perfectly healthy, as far as Seere can tell, but Sam seems as if she has been wounded. Not fatally so, thankfully.

He breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad to see his charge is safe.

Comments

[the_baking_vampire]

Still, even when Seere is away from him, he frets, closely monitoring that connection to make sure John's not hurting himself again.

The other angels mock him. He doesn't care.

[beautifulanimal]

He considers it, but he can't really see a point. He'll just heal again. He considers going out to get drunk, but he's not sure if he can.

He doesn't want to go out to get the liquor necessary to test the theory, so instead he sits down with pen and paper to calculate. This starts a whole new agenda. Sparks the scientist's kid in him and gets him on a mission to map out just how far and wide he can push his new body.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere realizes he's a little lonely here in Heaven. Yes, he has his brothers and he talks to them, but he misses John. He's not supposed to. That's not the way he was made, but it's undeniable.

Still, he stays away because John doesn't want him around, and he waits. He waits for John to call him.

[beautifulanimal]

John doesn't call. He is on a mission and doesn't need people standing over him.

The next day, he goes out to buy some much needed supplies, and put out orders for the stuff that isn't readily available in stores.

He'll start small. Start with numbers on paper and theories, but that will soon escalate into putting theories to a test. Figure out how fast he can heal, how extensive the injuries can be before it slows down, and much force he can put into a punch.

This is the start and his results aren't as accurate as he thinks they are. He still isn't eating and his body, though stronger than a human, is so much weaker than it could be. And maybe that's a good thing, because he also needs to learn to control this new strength. Things that used to require a full grip now only need a light touch. He nearly rips the handle of his bike off because he gasses too hard. He slams a door through the opening because he kicks it shut when he comes home. These are simple things he needs to relearn in the middle of all these tests. Tests that are constantly getting more elaborate and grotesque.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere can feel the twinges of pain when John hurts himself. He waits for John to call, but then there's nothing and the pain is gone, so he waits again.

It's torture. He's miserable here, trying to give John his privacy and not be too overbearing, but at the same time, knowing each and every time John gets injured.

Eventually, it wears him down to a point where he can't take it anymore. He can't rest, he can't relax. So, during John's next test, Seere shows up, looking a little haggard. "Please stop."

[beautifulanimal]

Seere's not the only one. John is easily 30 pounds lighter than he was last time they saw each other. He's pale and there's deep dark rings under his eyes. He still isn't eating and his body is eating away at itself.

He is also standing over a bucket, with a stopwatch in one hand and a knife in the other. He's timing how long it takes for the bleeding to stop and noting it down in this neat little form he has made specifically for these tests.

"It's not what you think."

[the_baking_vampire]

"It's exactly what I think. You've been systematically injuring yourself for weeks now."

Seere looks over him, infinitely sad, like watching a loved one waste away because of drug abuse. "You haven't been eating, either, have you." It's not a question. He knows. He wants to just break down and cry, but instead, he comes over and holds his hand out. "Give me the knife."

[beautifulanimal]

"It's not about that. I'm studying a cross breed between human and alien dna."

He doesn't answer the food question. He still can't look at food. It sickens him.

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're studying yourself. You're cutting and burning and all sorts of other things and you'll eventually find something that kills you. That's what you want, isn't it?"

He sighs, but he doesn't put his hand down. "Give me the knife. Please." He's never felt so tired in his life.

[beautifulanimal]

"That's not true."

And to prove it, he hands him the knife. His bucket is full anyway and it's time to weigh it to see how much blood he's lost. That goes into another chart for later comparison with previous data.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Please eat something." He's begging now. John is wasting away with his obsession and he's killing the both of them.

"Come with me and I'll make you something." The knife is gone when Seere holds his hand out again. He spitefully scattered its atoms. "Please."

[beautifulanimal]

"I can't. I'll just throw up again."

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere takes John's arm and gently tugs him towards the kitchen. "Just try."

[beautifulanimal]

"I need to deal with this first. I can't just leave it. I have to finish today's tests."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You don't have to finish anything, John. Stop the tests. Come eat."

Seere is sure he's losing more feathers as they speak. "Please. This isn't healthy."

[beautifulanimal]

"Like I need to worry about healthy? I'm fucking invincible. Nothing can touch me."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're not invincible. You've lost weight, which means you need food. You look terrible."

Seere tugs more insistently, until he can sit John down at the table. "At least start with some toast." Which he's heading to make right now.

[beautifulanimal]

There is nothing to make toast with. He has food, but it's the same stuff Seere bought all those weeks ago. It's molded and rotten and all of it has gone bad. The milk is about to crawl out of the fridge on it's own.

And while Seere deals with that, John's going to weigh that fucking bucket and continue his tests.

[the_baking_vampire]

John doesn't have enough time to get away, really. It takes Seere less than a minute to deal with everything, and he pops the bread in the toaster and drags John back to the table. "Sit," he commands, and he's actually losing a bit of his angelic patience now.

[beautifulanimal]

Fine. He'll sit down with his still-bloody hands in his lap and just wait. The smell of toast is...not as appealing as it should be.

[the_baking_vampire]

He butters the toast and puts some strawberry jam on it before he brings it over to John on a plate, and a simple touch cleans off all the blood. Then, Seere moves away to lean against the wall and make sure he eats.

[beautifulanimal]

And John just stares at his food like it's toxic.

"I can't eat this."

[the_baking_vampire]

"Why not?" It's perfectly edible. The bread is fresh. He should have no complaints.

[beautifulanimal]

"I want meat. As raw as it can get. Bloody."

And maybe that's a key component of why he just... can't deal with eating.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Excuse me?" He can't have heard that right.