On a wing and a prayer

[the_baking_vampire]

This isn't the first charge he's ever had as a guardian angel, so it's not exactly as if he's new at his job. He's never broken the rules before or failed in his task. He's always followed strictly to the rules and protected his charges with the utmost care and diligence.

He never thought things would be so much different with John Grimm.

As a boy, he'd lost his parents, and Seere had been tasked to him without any real explanation of why. Sometimes, that's how it goes; an assignment without a reason. It's never bothered him. All he knew was that he needed to protect the boy, and by extension, that usually meant protecting his twin sister, as well, inseparable as they were.

For years, Seere watched him grow, a sad, shy, and reserved child who turned into a handsome young man.

It was difficult when John entered the military. Seere can't fix mental anguish. How does one protect against that sort of thing without keeping a soul from gaining the necessary experiences to benefit from having lived? So, he watches as John struggles through bootcamp, watches as he struggles with the deaths of his friends, with the guilt that comes with it. He wants to help, but there's nothing he can do. He can't protect everyone. Only John.

Seere is wary when John gets selected for the RRTS. It's such a dangerous squad. Protecting him becomes a full-time task, flitting in and out of John's vision, exploiting those fractional blind spots that all humans have to subtly change the trajectory of bullets or nudge him away from a falling object or protect him from an explosion.

During these years, he's grown closer to John. He knows he shouldn't get attached, but John is such a sweet, loyal person, Seere can't help but care for him. He's gentle and protects those around him, gives everything he's got to try to keep his friends safe. He's grown into a man that Seere is proud to watch over, even if it's become dangerous to do so. Angels aren't allowed to love.

Still, his job goes well up until John is in his 26th year -- and he suddenly disappears.

Seere tracks his last signature to the point where it disappeared. It's a portal to Mars. Seere knows this, but he can't go. He can't leave the sphere of influence that Angels have on Earth. He can't travel to Mars with him, can't protect him. For once in his eternal life, Seere is afraid he will fail. He's not afraid of the punishment for it, he's afraid for John.

So, he heads back to Heaven to wait, and never have two days seemed so long for someone with as much patience as he has.

As soon as John's familiar tug reappears on Earth, Seere seeks him out.

He finds him at the hospital, beside the bed of his sister, and he immediately looks the both of them over for injuries. John is perfectly healthy, as far as Seere can tell, but Sam seems as if she has been wounded. Not fatally so, thankfully.

He breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad to see his charge is safe.

Comments

[the_baking_vampire]

"It's exactly what I think. You've been systematically injuring yourself for weeks now."

Seere looks over him, infinitely sad, like watching a loved one waste away because of drug abuse. "You haven't been eating, either, have you." It's not a question. He knows. He wants to just break down and cry, but instead, he comes over and holds his hand out. "Give me the knife."

[beautifulanimal]

"It's not about that. I'm studying a cross breed between human and alien dna."

He doesn't answer the food question. He still can't look at food. It sickens him.

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're studying yourself. You're cutting and burning and all sorts of other things and you'll eventually find something that kills you. That's what you want, isn't it?"

He sighs, but he doesn't put his hand down. "Give me the knife. Please." He's never felt so tired in his life.

[beautifulanimal]

"That's not true."

And to prove it, he hands him the knife. His bucket is full anyway and it's time to weigh it to see how much blood he's lost. That goes into another chart for later comparison with previous data.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Please eat something." He's begging now. John is wasting away with his obsession and he's killing the both of them.

"Come with me and I'll make you something." The knife is gone when Seere holds his hand out again. He spitefully scattered its atoms. "Please."

[beautifulanimal]

"I can't. I'll just throw up again."

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere takes John's arm and gently tugs him towards the kitchen. "Just try."

[beautifulanimal]

"I need to deal with this first. I can't just leave it. I have to finish today's tests."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You don't have to finish anything, John. Stop the tests. Come eat."

Seere is sure he's losing more feathers as they speak. "Please. This isn't healthy."

[beautifulanimal]

"Like I need to worry about healthy? I'm fucking invincible. Nothing can touch me."

[the_baking_vampire]

"You're not invincible. You've lost weight, which means you need food. You look terrible."

Seere tugs more insistently, until he can sit John down at the table. "At least start with some toast." Which he's heading to make right now.

[beautifulanimal]

There is nothing to make toast with. He has food, but it's the same stuff Seere bought all those weeks ago. It's molded and rotten and all of it has gone bad. The milk is about to crawl out of the fridge on it's own.

And while Seere deals with that, John's going to weigh that fucking bucket and continue his tests.

[the_baking_vampire]

John doesn't have enough time to get away, really. It takes Seere less than a minute to deal with everything, and he pops the bread in the toaster and drags John back to the table. "Sit," he commands, and he's actually losing a bit of his angelic patience now.

[beautifulanimal]

Fine. He'll sit down with his still-bloody hands in his lap and just wait. The smell of toast is...not as appealing as it should be.

[the_baking_vampire]

He butters the toast and puts some strawberry jam on it before he brings it over to John on a plate, and a simple touch cleans off all the blood. Then, Seere moves away to lean against the wall and make sure he eats.

[beautifulanimal]

And John just stares at his food like it's toxic.

"I can't eat this."

[the_baking_vampire]

"Why not?" It's perfectly edible. The bread is fresh. He should have no complaints.

[beautifulanimal]

"I want meat. As raw as it can get. Bloody."

And maybe that's a key component of why he just... can't deal with eating.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Excuse me?" He can't have heard that right.

[beautifulanimal]

"I'm sorry. I'm having issues with this stuff. There's all these urges I don't know how to deal with."

[the_baking_vampire]

"Alright, then." If that's what it will take...

Seere vanishes, and when he returns, he's got a steak fresh from the butcher's, and he slides the toast off John's plate so he can replace it with that steak instead.

[beautifulanimal]

He stares at the steak for three seconds before he fucking attacks it. Still using a knife and fork, his table manners are too deeply rooted in him for him to forget, but the whole steak is gone in a blink of an eye and he's even licking off the meat juice on his lips.

[the_baking_vampire]

Okay, that is somewhat unexpected. Seere's not quite sure what to make of it, although he supposes that if John has picked up better instincts, like an animal's, then it's possible he's picked up other features, too.

In that light, eating raw meat doesn't seem so strange.

"Would you like more?" Mostly, he's just relieved that John is eating.

[beautifulanimal]

"Yeah..."

He looks so ashamed of himself. His stomach is churning in warning and he really does want to throw it up and forget about it, but after starving himself for so long, the small taste of food has his body demanding more.

[the_baking_vampire]

"Alright." There's no judgement in his tone at all, just calm acceptance. He vanishes once more, and 46 seconds later, he's back with more meat. Four thick, bloody steaks for him, because Seere figures whatever John doesn't eat can get put into the fridge for later.