On a wing and a prayer

[the_baking_vampire]

This isn't the first charge he's ever had as a guardian angel, so it's not exactly as if he's new at his job. He's never broken the rules before or failed in his task. He's always followed strictly to the rules and protected his charges with the utmost care and diligence.

He never thought things would be so much different with John Grimm.

As a boy, he'd lost his parents, and Seere had been tasked to him without any real explanation of why. Sometimes, that's how it goes; an assignment without a reason. It's never bothered him. All he knew was that he needed to protect the boy, and by extension, that usually meant protecting his twin sister, as well, inseparable as they were.

For years, Seere watched him grow, a sad, shy, and reserved child who turned into a handsome young man.

It was difficult when John entered the military. Seere can't fix mental anguish. How does one protect against that sort of thing without keeping a soul from gaining the necessary experiences to benefit from having lived? So, he watches as John struggles through bootcamp, watches as he struggles with the deaths of his friends, with the guilt that comes with it. He wants to help, but there's nothing he can do. He can't protect everyone. Only John.

Seere is wary when John gets selected for the RRTS. It's such a dangerous squad. Protecting him becomes a full-time task, flitting in and out of John's vision, exploiting those fractional blind spots that all humans have to subtly change the trajectory of bullets or nudge him away from a falling object or protect him from an explosion.

During these years, he's grown closer to John. He knows he shouldn't get attached, but John is such a sweet, loyal person, Seere can't help but care for him. He's gentle and protects those around him, gives everything he's got to try to keep his friends safe. He's grown into a man that Seere is proud to watch over, even if it's become dangerous to do so. Angels aren't allowed to love.

Still, his job goes well up until John is in his 26th year -- and he suddenly disappears.

Seere tracks his last signature to the point where it disappeared. It's a portal to Mars. Seere knows this, but he can't go. He can't leave the sphere of influence that Angels have on Earth. He can't travel to Mars with him, can't protect him. For once in his eternal life, Seere is afraid he will fail. He's not afraid of the punishment for it, he's afraid for John.

So, he heads back to Heaven to wait, and never have two days seemed so long for someone with as much patience as he has.

As soon as John's familiar tug reappears on Earth, Seere seeks him out.

He finds him at the hospital, beside the bed of his sister, and he immediately looks the both of them over for injuries. John is perfectly healthy, as far as Seere can tell, but Sam seems as if she has been wounded. Not fatally so, thankfully.

He breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad to see his charge is safe.

Comments

[beautifulanimal]

"No one would notice. Everyone who gives a shit about me is gone."

[the_baking_vampire]

"I'm right here. I care." Maybe that doesn't matter at all to John, but it's important to Seere. Someone cares about him.

[beautifulanimal]

"It's your job. Isn't it? Not like you know me."

[the_baking_vampire]

"I know you perhaps better than most. I have been with you since you were young."

[beautifulanimal]

"Yeah, you say you've been watching me since I was a kid. I got that. But did you ever say anything? All those times I was alone and I needed someone... did you just sit there and watch?"

[the_baking_vampire]

"No. I've tried many times to comfort you, but you could never hear or see me. To reveal myself to you would have been..." He shakes his head. "I would have been reassigned. I would have never seen you again. It was difficult to see you in pain and be unable to do anything about it."

[beautifulanimal]

"Yeah, I bet it's very difficult to be this untouchable, perfect being that can't ever do wrong, and can only watch while we apes destroy ourselves."

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere just looks sad again. He can't tell John just how much he's sinning right now by caring for him as he does. He's not perfect. He does wrong.

"Please don't hurt yourself any more."

[beautifulanimal]

"Just go away."

[the_baking_vampire]

"John, please don't make me go. I don't want to feel your connection go dead again. It hurts." Seere reaches out for him again, pleading not to be cast aside.

[beautifulanimal]

"I don't know what else I'd do..."

[the_baking_vampire]

"I don't understand why you want to hurt yourself. You don't deserve it."

[beautifulanimal]

"What am I gonna do? Make myself a sandwich and just keep going like nothing happened? I've got nothing left."

[the_baking_vampire]

"I know it doesn't mean much to you, but I'll remain by your side always."

[beautifulanimal]

"I'm still gonna find a way to do it. Sticking around just means you get front row seats to the show."

[the_baking_vampire]

John's just being the master at making Seere infinitely sad today. "It's true, there's no way I can keep an eye on you every second of every day, but I'm begging you, please don't do it."

[beautifulanimal]

"And I'm begging you for a solid reason not to."

[the_baking_vampire]

"Be friends with me? Maybe you won't be so lonely then."

[beautifulanimal]

"Yeah? You gonna keep me safe and happy?"

There's no attempt to hide the sarcasm in that. He just can't bring himself to believe that a damn angel can give him what he needs.

[the_baking_vampire]

"I will try." He's so sincere when he says that. He'd give everything he has to make John happy again.

[beautifulanimal]

"Good luck with that. I'm gonna try to sleep. Don't bother cleaning up, I'll do it when I wake up."

He gets up and stumbles towards the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, he has a bit of a headache, though it's probably more psychosomatic than a real. Either way, he just wants to sleep and this time, it doesn't matter how loud the sounds are. He's snoring before his head hits the pillow.

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere does clean up, though. The smell of blood is getting to him and just knowing where it came from...

No, he doesn't want to look at those tiny bits of scalp and brain on the couch any more, either. With a simple touch, it's all washed away, and then Seere goes to sit in the hall outside the bedroom, keeping vigil without trying to intrude on John's space.

[beautifulanimal]

About halfway through the night, John wakes up and the sight out in the hallway makes him frown.

"Don't you sleep?"

[the_baking_vampire]

Seere looks up at him and nods a little. "I do when I get tired." Obviously, that doesn't happen very often.

[beautifulanimal]

"It's creepy, you know. Sitting there, staring at me. If you were human, I'd probably beat the crap out of you."

No, he wouldn't, but he likes to think he's an asshole.